I’m lying in bed again during this pregnancy, fed up and exhausted. My hips out from driving the car we borrowed from my dad because ours died, and every time the baby moves, it feels like a knife slashing from my belly button down to the uterus, and I’m only 30 weeks. I just want a bowel of cereal and cream, but that’s not happening either because I’ve just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. My husband’s aunt, a qualified midwife says if the pain doesn’t stop I need to go to the ER; a 45 minute drive away. How did I get here and how am I going to last another 10 weeks?
I just want it all over.
I know it’s a terrible thought and some go through worse when they are pregnant and some are sending dagger glares to me because they can’t get pregnant and I’m going to share with you the best book I’ve read on infertility.
That’s the thought that landed me here – I just want it all over. I didn’t even say it, I just thought it, meditated on it, didn’t just refuse it entrance, let it nest in my head.
My husband tells me when he gets home from work, “You need to apologise to the baby, she knows what you’re thinking, and bless her to be comfortable until your due date.” And I did and the pain stopped, my baby stopped thrashing, curled up inside and dozed off. Then the next day I started telling that annoying hip of mine to come into line and be made whole even while hobbling down the hall and gradually it did.
And every night we blessed my pancreas to create the correct amount of insulin and for my cells to be receptive to that insulin so my blood sugar levels would be right, and along with a high fat, low carb diet, my blood levels have stayed in acceptable limits.
The power of the spoken word and thoughts are so powerful. Early on in my pregnancy I was very tired, but even good food, supplements and rest were not working until I started declaring ‘that I would rise up with strength, I would run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint’, instead of how tired I was.
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he“. Proverbs 23:7
Out of this place of struggle and overcoming and struggle and overcoming and further struggle, I’ve created this pregnancy printable of declarations, which I laminated and placed next to my toilet, where all my spiritual things go.
Please note, none of this is intended to be medical advice, merely advice that I’ve found helpful. Thanks to Angie Makes for the floral graphics. I hope this blesses you during your pregnancy journey. You can read more about my pregnancy journey and Scripture Lifelines on this post where I joined up with Five Minute Friday.